Out of her head, she sang


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everlong

Let me take this time to
Ask you, inform you
Of all the things you did not know
I'm sorry
I can't be the cure for your life
You were always by my side

Life spent without rain
You will always be the heart in me
You will always be
The past the love the memories

songs about you
Monday, July 27, 2009
open up your eyes

Greetings my non-existent readers! (ha,ha)
Its already midnight and I'm wide awake. Like this -> O_O hahaha. I need to confess something. I have a problem. My problem is, I think I'm blind. Not literally eventhough I'm myopic and I can only see circle circle w/o my glasses and contacts on.(?!?!?) Kay side tracking again. Hehe. Well what I'm trying to say is that sometimes I tend to be dumb and I don't really see what's right infront of me? For instance, I have no friggin' idea why I care so much about a bunch of morons who don't even give a crap about my feelings. And yet, I ignore the ones who actually show concern towards me. What is wrong with me huhhh. I'm such an idiot. And now I feel really guilty and miserable because in the end everyone deserts me. Serves me right. *laughs at her ownself* And now i'm just being sadistic. -_-

Awh man insomnia is kicking in again. I SHOULD BE STUDYING NOW! *mentally kicks herself* Haha eh look my captions are back! Talking to that little voice in my head again. That little leprechaun. I think I can go crazy anytime soon. Lol.
Okay seriously speaking, I have no idea why I decided to blog today. So I'm just going to rant about anything that comes into my mind. Impromptu.

I MISS MY BROTHER! :( He's in NS now. So yeah. I miss disturbing him. Actually kinda more like I miss him disturbing me. OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS. I told you i'm going crazy already. Must be geography's fault la. (k. no link -_-)
Oh and I'm like currently addicted to Incubus :D And I love to irritate my friends during break time cause i'll always sing to them Incubus's Love Hurts. Either that or i'll sing Wuthering Heights. OMG YAAAAAAAA. IM SO HOOKED ON TO THAT SONG LA. whattheheck. Btw, if you must know, for Lit Paper 1, i'm studying Wuthering Heights. That explains why i'm addicted to the song. Heh.

Today I feel kinda happy because I've started to talk to someone again. :)
I just hope there's no hard feelings between us anymore because the past is the past.
It's nice to hear from you again. I've missed you.

KAY, time to mugmugmug. I feel nocturnal.
toodles.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
last night, a breakdown saved my life

After a week without cca, we finally had drama practice yesterday. It was refreshing and absolutely fun. The teachers organized for all the PU1s a basic drama workshop. And predictably, many didn't turn up but nevertheless the smaller the better. More space for us in the drama studio :) We had this guy as our instructor. I forgot his name because its hard to pronounce and he's from india. He thought us some stuff like breathing techniques and a sort of dancing-exercise-yoga thingy?
Haha it was such an experience for me. We did things that we have never done before. It felt good to express myself physically by using our bodies. The funniest part was when each of us had to be a prey or a predator. We were like animals prancing around the studio. Haha. And it was really tiring but a good exercise :D My favourite part is when we sat around in a circle and started jamming by using our hands to beat the floor or clap or just using our voices to make sounds. It sounded horrible at first. Haha the instructor is really talented and so inspiring :D Oohh and did I tell you he can do handstands and flex his limbs? Hahaha. Such a flexible man.

Ended the workshop at around 5plus. Joined the others to do the jai-ho dance for awhile. Haha then rushed off home to change. Met Lisa and we rushed off to Republic Poly to catch the last band performance which was of course my fav local band of all time, A Vacant Affair.
So it was the usual. My head is now aching from all the headbanging and my arms too. The mosh pit was scary - the Wall of Death as they call it.
Didn't dare to go near it. Haha
I've known this band since late 2007 and their music means alot to me. Their live performances are always awesome. Such passion and emotion are given out on stage. Love their music. Love the band. Love their performances.
I wish you guys all the best for your upcoming tour.
When they performed Reasons To Leave last night, I started breaking down. That song means alot to me. And the strong emotion that was being potrayed by the vocalist, made me cry even harder. It's a short song. 4minutes. But it is able to affect people like me deeply. This is why I love their music. I can relate to their songs.

Through this band,their gigs and such I've met a few people. Made alot of new friends. Fell in love, fell out of love. We all had one thing in common which was we were nuts about their music. However, some of the relationships died but my love for the band stays on. I love going to their gigs. The atmosphere there, the feeling is just so wonderful. Can you see how powerful communication is through the love of music? And how meaningful they can be?
Through all the hardships and shit i've been through, I know that I'm never alone.
Thank you AVA. You have saved my life.
And thank you to someone whom I onced loved. Thank you for sharing your love of music with me. Without you, I wouldn't have known that such talent existed.

We have our reasons to leave.


This place is not a home
But the roads have led me here
Isn’t all of this
Inevitable?

So this is what they call
The moment before you fall
The part you fall so deep
Into slumber

If this should be my last
Then have I tried my best?
Or is this just a sorry excuse
To be away from all the hurt
That has been eating me inside
That I have failed to grow
And knowing that you’ve died
Just for me to fail

I have ran so far away
But away from what
From what I have built
From what I have failed to keep
The heart I’ve lost
Was never mine to begin with
Mine has yet to be found

To be on my feet
It’s what i can’t do
Mark the words I’ve said

I will be on my feet
And learn to love again
And feel the warmth I’ve been waiting for so long



"When shall we three meet again, in thunder, lightning or in rain?"
Thursday, July 16, 2009
my head is in a cloud of rain

Dear diary,

Why do people lie? Why can't they just be frank and direct? Yes I know the truth hurts most of the time but why can't you just say it to justify and clear away the doubts?
Why is it that things are supposedly easy but people just tend to make it more complicated?
Why is it that people prefer ignorance to consequence?
Why choose vengeance over forgiveness?

why why why why why why why why?

Maybe I should stop caring. Maybe I should be ignorant too. Maybe I should stop dwelling over things. Maybe I shouldn't think too much.

Maybe.

You told me once that you'll be there for me. Told me that you'll always be my guardian angel.
Why can't you just accept the fact that I wasn't ready? Why can't you just readily accept rejection? Didn't I tell you that I loved you too?
And I was to be blamed. Point the finger at me again.
I don't deserve this from you. Why can't we just forgive and forget and just be friends again?
But no, you had to take it the hard way. Treat it as if we're strangers. Like as if nothing has ever happened between us. I'm sorry I was being stupid. What do you expect? I'm way too childish as compared to you. But that doesn't mean you have to give me the cold shoulder.

Gawd, i'm just sick of this. All this cold treatment crap from people. If you hate something about that person, just say it! Say it to their face and not just run away and pretend as if nothing has happened.
You promised me light, but everything seems so bleak now.



Love hurts, but sometimes it's a good hurt.
And it feels like i'm alive.